always
being one to hide things from my mother, i could probably contrive a list that
would make this normally un-religious woman jump into a confessional and pray
the rosary for weeks. but a woman has to keep SOME things to herself, so here
is my 'publishable' list (some things might make me run for the rosary too if
they were actually put into words ;):
1. i had sex on her bed when i was 19.... and her kitchen table, bathroom floor,
living room couch, etc. not the end of the world, i guess, but we are talking
about a woman who wouldn't let me shut the door when i had friends in my bedroom
if one of them happened to be a boy. not only when i was 12, but present day.
as if we were going to have a big orgy while she was watching general hospital...
2. my dabbling in drugs. now pot in her book is ok. i mean my pot smoking could
be perfectly exlemplified by the late 80's PSA, "i learned it by watching you!"
(not from her, but my father, of course). but i think that my college experiences
with some otherwise reported illegal substances might not sit well with her.
particularly the time my friends and i in college decided to chop up some ecstacy
and shove it up our noses, only to have to tell each other how much we loved
each other b/c we thought we were going to die. luckily, i am still here!
3. my socially acceptable drinking habits. now i don't think i have a problem...
but according to AA's website i need to give betty ford a call- pronto!
4. that first date i went on that i didn't come home until the next morning.
yes, i did sleep with him. and no, i didn't call him back ;)
5. the missing 'duncan hines' container of cream cheese frosting for my sister's
birthday.... only to lick it off my boyfriend later that afternoon.
6. the number of sexual partners i've had. and the fact that i don't know either...
;)
so this is my short list. the more i think about these things, the more i might
make jesus cry so i will stop there. and i love my mom, so i'll just keep this
list from her and let her think her virginal daughter has never inhaled (or
snorted), likes the occasional glass of champange and reserves frosting for
cakes.